loving life?

Not meant to sound as depressing as it looks.

Because, last night, with Clare and Kelli and Lauren, I saw the SYTYCD Season 5 cast tour. OMG. a mazing. Love love loved it.

also had an improv competition yesterday. cool

six page paper due tomorrow. have I started? of course not.

I'm such a bad student.

UGH

It'll get done. It's a reflexive kind of thing anyway. I can write six pages of reflection in three hours, then get up and seven to edit and print it up. totally fine.

.......I'm ready to fall in love.

I feel like an all american rejects song.

Last night. Cast Party. Enough said.

Oh except to be more specific, lars scaled the side of CLare's apartment builing to get back in. twice. The only other person who has ever done that is travis morris. it was awesome

Clay Crows rehearsal today. afterwards I went out to JAck in the Box with Dylan and Paul. It was a good time. I miss them. Then they came over and I showed them our house. It was very nice to hang out with them.

ALSO last thursday Clare Becca and I went out to Chopstix and it was awesome. Ladies night, three dollar drinks. We did the Timewarp. And Clare and I did "woman's world" for them. muahaha.

I love clare and becca so much.

Halloween, NOMT, etc

To get right down to the good stuff. NOMT was amazing. Seriously. The rehearsal process, clare's concept, the directorial team, the cast, the crew. Everyone worked so hard, and I believe it showed. I am so grateful to have gotten to be a part of it. Like, Singing is hard for me. Okay, singing isn't, but singing seriously in front of people, especially if I have a mic, freaks the crap out of me. And I got to be a part of this beautiful, wonderful thing where I got to express myself through music. And not be scared of it as much.

Apparently Zach and I made someone cry during "touch me" last night. GOOD. is what I have to say to that. very excting. Another very exciting thing that happened was right before the second act. Cuddlefests and Kisses. Bryan and Zach paying up. That's all I'm saying. The boys paid up. MUAHAHAHAhA. Excpet now becca and I feel like we owe them.....

Also, It's been really fun to see bryan open up. I know I tell him this when I've been drinking, but I should tell him this without the use of anything at some point. I'm really glad we live together. he's a good guy. And, I've become a very huggy, kissy person during the course of this show, and it's been nice to be able to hug him and have it not be wierd. I hate wierd hugs. But yes.

Getting to know jack has been really cool too. Apparently when We first met, he thought I was a biznatch. he said he "was petrified of me". He came over Friday night and last night. It was a big cuddlefest. He's a good cuddler. And, although he does have some growing up and maturing to do, it's been nice to see the vulnerable side of him. But he did attack the little love pod thing and called it his lentil. THat was rather funny. Becca and Anjelica were there too. OH gosh. How much to I love having gotten to know becca? JUst.... So much. We were freqaintences freshman year. I just indeed did make that word up. Frequaintences. But we never hung out. Now we do. I LOVE SLEEPOVERS. we've slept together 6 times. THree of those in the last three nights. I just love cuddling. And, normally, like, cuddling doesn't have to be sexual, but it feel like when you're cuddling with someone, the "do i like them" always flits across your mind. It's not like that at all with becca. She's like, my mom or my cousins who just sit there and rub your back, or whatever. And like, she's just that friend that those boundaries aren't even an issue. which is amazing. SO I'm really really glad I've gotten to know her.

And it's been friggin amazing to see Clare's passion for this show. She is so ridiculously talented. I'm so grateful to her for giving me this opportunity to grow. And I'm so happy for the last summer we spent together. I have a hard time saying "best friend", because it's hard for me not to call amanda my best friend, even though we haven't hung out really in a year. But, like, Clare is that friend who I feel I just KNOW. Like, THe friend I can just hug and not say anything to her about it, because I just know she needs a hug. Or I don't have to BS responses with her, I can be totally honest if she asks me something. I don't have to put up any fronts. Which is really cool to get to that point.


OKAY. So, Halloween. Clare and I went as drunk/frozen Ilse from spring awakening. "I got so drunk I passed out in the snow". So I was drunk Ilse, she was frozen Ilse. All we needed was a man's Dress Shirt. So after the show We went over to her place and got ready. I wore a tank and those booty shorts under it. I felt so Sexy! It wasn't even that slutty. Like. We weren't going around saying "look at us in our near nakedness". BUt I never dress like that. I wasn't showing off my chest or anything. I just felt so sexy. I thought I would feel really uncomfortable, but it was fun. First it was the APO party. Paul thought we had come ass sluts, then lesbian sluts. And I was still kind of stretching out from the show. Guess I Shouldn't have done that. Oh well. After that It was Mack Attacks party. This is where the night got really interesting

Got to Macks, cracked open the wine. Saw becca, gave her a hi kiss. hung out. Marina and Jill showed up as hot hooker ladies. I loved Marina's Fedora. I put it on once. felt even hotter. Becca was rosie the riveter. Jack was there too. Then zach showed up as a chippendale's dancer. Eric came as one of the sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus. It was a big Night of Mayhem. Cassie lives with Mack, so she was there. Megan was there too. Hadley and her boyfriend were there. Anyway. The long and short of is was, people were drinking, there was a kissing competition (to see who could kiss the most people), big cuddlefest on Mack's bed, beer pong, and.... yeah. Kind of disastrous. I pray to goodness that's not how the cast party is. I didn't really even drink. I had the equivalent of A glass of wine. In the course of three hours. I was just in a really giddy, happy mode because of how well the show went. Bryan came over and I talked to him for a bit.

Zach got sick and went home, then I got worried. People hung out and sobered up. I was telling everyone to drink water and stuff, because I didn't want anyone else getting sick. Annelise joined the party after that. Becca, Annelise, Bryan and I all went home together. First thing was to check on Zach. When Jack had left he said to call him if we were cuddling. well Becca and I were cuddling and were going to go to bed, but when Jack called he was all sad and not wanting to sleep. So he came over and, well I'm glad he came over because he was gone. It worries me when my friends are that far gone and they think it's fine to be by themselves. Anyway, we hung out downstairs and talked about a lot of stuff. I made him drink some water. Becca went to bed. We hung out. Then jack was getting tired, and was still really really drunk, but I didn't let him fall asleep because he kept getting dizzy. THen he got all delusional and the last thing he said before he passed out was "what about your boss?". No idea where that came from or what kind of an answer he was expecting.... but yes. So then I went back upstairs and fell asleep. And this morning Becca and I went back downstairs to cuddle with Jack for a bit. I really need to sleep in my own bed for real soon. Lol.

But it's strike today, which means the show is over. Boo fo shows being over. But the girls have decided we are going to do a girls night soon. Slash Glee Lovefest. It will be wonderful.

I meant to go int more details about how I was feeling about all of this, but I kind of just recounted everyting that's happened. It's a lot. And that's okay.

I don't want to graduate this year. Like, I'm so ready to be done with school, but what the heck am I doing with my life.