"yeah you bleed just to know you're alive"

I hate being depressed. and hating myself being depressed just makes me more depressed.

I think capstone just overwhelmed me. that and I've given up even trying for my classes. I can offically say gave up trying; i skipped one of my classes because I didn't do something worth 50 percent of my grade.

I realized last week that I might be getting depressed again. and then I was like, no im fine. then I got really upset because i couldnt place a cap and gown and completely lost it. LOST IT. I called my mom, who laughed at the situation, I was tryng to hold it together, but her laughing just made me want to bawl. and I did as soon as I got off the phone. She wasnt laughing at me she was just laughing about the stupid eastern time zone thing.

And yes. I hate to be like "guess what friends, Im depressed" and It also makes me feel like Im seeking attention. I know it will be better once school is done, although thats another reason im depressed. Im all sad about leaving.

I dont mean dapressed as in sad. I think I actually have depression right now. because i'll be fine and then two seconds later im all sad. and moody. I'm not bi polar.

The only time ive ever felt this bad was sophomore year of high school. I felt pretty crappy my freshman year here too. I just. I dont care. and I feel numb. and then I will just get completely emotional and want to cry. and then i feel like a drama queen and like its not worth it and... UGH im a mess

ill clean tomorrow.
I'll beg for forgiveness from my prof soon.
ive got to get brian to sign off
I want to be done with school so bad
but im going to miss people. and I keep being all nostalgic and I want it to be sophomore year, when we went on adventures and people were actually friends.

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and that was me pounding the keys

at least i have a computer though

this isnt a cry for help. i dont want pity, I just want to be happy.

maybe I should take advide from the title of my own blog.

expletive. UGH

and i ate that im not in streetcar. OH WLL IM DONE NOW

enough of this rampage. Zachary is going to give me a massage

the story according to katie

me and my sister caught up to his bus on i-5 and i was driving and i waved and he looked over and waved back, and then blew me a kiss. and i blew one back!!! and then we let them get a head a bit. and then when we went to pass him again we made faces at him and he was laughing. and then the next time i rolled down my window ... See Morecuz his was down. and he goes "hey! what are you guys up to!" and we were all "oh we just are on our way home from your concert!" and he said something else. and then he goes "drive safely" to me!! and i was like "oh i will" and then he goes "where are you you guys headed?" and we go "this is our exit!" and he goes "ok, goodnight ladies." and then he stuck his head on his hands and placed them on the window and waved goodbye and blew us a kiss!!! MOST AWESOME NIGHT EVER!!!

Michael Buble Epicness

OKAY. SO.

Last night, Katie and I went to Michael Buble's Concert. He is amazing Live. He sang all my favorite songs and it was awesome. But the best part happened after the concert.

As we were leaving, I thought, hey, there has to be a stage door or something, so I said to katie, "Hey, do you want to go wait for him?" and she said sure. So we walked around the Key Arena and found a place that had a bunch of buses. We waited in this little garden thing for a bit, then realized that there was a better chance of us seeing him by the bus exit. So we walked over there to where a little crowd was gathered.

The long and short of is is that we were waiting until 1:00 AM when his bus actually left. By that point, there were only six of us. As the bus pulled out, we waved, then I heard katie scream. We looked to the front, and he was sticking his head out the passenger window!! He said "Hey guys! thank you so much for all of your support. I would come out, but my family is here and everything." We were all like, no problem. Then I looked at him and just said "It's okay! Have a happy easter!" He said Thanks, and stuck his head back in. I'm pretty sure I blew him a kiss goodbye.

So then Katie remembers that He is going to Vancouver. We are going to EVerett. THe chances of him going on i-5 were just too great. And she realizes that if we run to the car, we may be able to catch up with him. It takes us five minutes to get there, but we ran. Of course, by that time, we had been standing outside in the cold and it was really hard to go more than 50 ft without stopping. BUT we made it to the car. And so we get on the highway. We're fine, we're fine, we're fine, and then we see it. Katie goes "Look!!" and we saw the bus, fairly far away, but there nonetheless. Katie says "I don't care, I'm going for it!"


___________I'm going to Put a Bus Video in here!!__________

I apologize for the screaming. BUT. so we see the bus. Katie goes, I don't care, I'm going for it. So We speed up. And got closer. Then Katie goes "what do i do?" So I had the brilliant Idea to pass it on the left, merge, then slow down so we could be on the right. So she did. And we did. And then proceeded to freak out because "MICHAEL BUBLE WAS RIGHT NEXT TO US!!!!" So we stayed pretty even with the bus for a few minutes, slowed down, sped up, whatever. Then we realized we had to merge, so we got behind the Bus. We followed it for a little bit. And then We moved back over. The bus sort of went behind us, I turned around to watch it go, and SAW SOMEONE IN THE FRONT SEAT. Realized, IT HAD TO BE HIM. after a series of screaming and stuff, another car got behind us, and between us and the bus, so we slowed down, the car merged, then we were on level with the bus. I looked up, and.... unfortunately saw a cigarette..... but realized it was him. So then, Katie starts waving, saying "turn around, turn around turn around" and I just start yelling "michael! Michael! Michael!!!"

AMAZINGLY..... HE DID!!!!!!! He looked at us for a half a second with a quizzical look on his face...... then Waved Back!!!! I think he then blew katie a kiss..... But OMG!!!! So then the Bus slowed down again, and then we did too, and I go "Katie!! Let's make faces at him!!!!" and so we both made a face at him. And At that point, someone else was up in the front seat with him!!!!! We think he called someone over. I guess Katie said he was laughing. And then we did one last, slow down, speed up, becuse by this point we were in everett. By the time we caught up again. I look over, and KATIE HAS ROLLED DOWN HER WINDOW!!!.... and to our surprise.....HE OPENED HIS TOO!!!!!!! We waved and laughed. And he said something like "Well what are you up to?" and I yelled back "We just saw your concert!" And something else. And then we were all laughing, and he goes, "Well, Drive safely, girls!" katie said "We will" I yelled "This is our exit, anyway!" It was close to our exit. .exit, and I will never forget. He looked at us, Blew us a kiss, smiled and waved. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to get a pic of him leaving the Key arena, and I would kill myself if I didnt document this, so I screamed "WAIT!!" And turned on the record on my camera. I got the shortest video clip of him ever, but I got it. Then as he pulled away, and we took our exit, we realized what had just happened.

And we screamed and giggled all the way home.

So that was the night that Katie and I talked to Michael Buble on the Freeway. Excellent.